Achievement (adj) as being defined in the Oxford Dictionary is:
- Feeling or showing strong annoyance, displeasure, or hostility; full of anger.
This feeling is unavoidable. Not to adults, be it to children. As parents, we couldn’t stop our children from being angry. However, we can help them to learn how to control their anger. Teach our children that being angry is normal, but it’s important to let go of the things make us angry.
When my son was ten years old, the school headmaster called us for a meeting to discuss on how we could help him with his anger management. He was caught having a tense argument with his classmate that he finally broke down with anger. We were worried but also being defensive ourselves. Only to realize that we have to admit his issue and had to work with him to help him with his anger.
We came up with these:
- Parents’communication. We realized we were a bit ‘tough’with him. Being the eldest, we expected him to be ‘perfect’and make no room for mistake. When his anger issue was brought up to our attention, we realized that we had to loosen up and communicate more with him a correct manner.
- We introduce him the NARP terms. No Agression, React Peacefully. We told him that there’s nothing wrong of being angry, but how he reacted to his anger that matters. Anger won’t last long, but if he made any move to vent out his anger without thinking, he might regret it in the long term.
- We recognized that he needed to vent out his anger. We encouraged him to talk to us, his teachers or anyone his trust. He could even write a journal about it. If he still find no peace after venting out his anger, he might want to escalate this to the person that he’s angry at and discuss in a civilized manner. Discuss when he was not angry, but just express his dissatisfaction.
In Islam, angry is nothing but a lose-lose situation. Nobody is gaining anything from it, and some may get worst by anger.
Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The strong-man is not one who wrestles well but the strong man is one who controls himself when he is in a fit of rage.
Sahih Muslim Book 032, 6313
Yes, we do get angry when others step on our toes and cross our ‘boundary’. But as the saying goes ‘ for every minute you remain angry, you lost sixty second of your peace of mind.’ Patience and love are all we need. Angry is a disease that really need special attention. It could turn ugly if we ignore it. Don’t!